
The process of getting older is learning to let go of the people you love. Your children grow up and need independence while parents grow old and need care in their twilight years. This is the natural cycle, but simply because it’s natural doesn’t mean it’s easy. Aging in the 21st century is fraught with emotional and financial peril. Though we’d like to imagine our golden years as ones in which we are mostly unchanged but older, Canadians routinely find that growing old presents challenges around quality of life, financial management, and questions around personal care.
Let’s start with the biggest issue: mental acuity. As you age, your mental acumen declines. Frustratingly, this happens at different speeds and with different severity for everyone. But even for seniors who seem sharp and on the ball, aging makes them more vulnerable to financial scams and frauds, which have been growing in sophistication and complexity.
According to the Economist podcast SCAM Inc., roughly $500 Billion per year makes its way to Asian gangs that manage pig butchering scams, complex long game frauds that win people over through social relationships, and convince them to “invest” in crypto currencies through seemingly legitimate exchanges while in reality funneling that money into triad bank accounts in Burma. Last year, several notable stories profiled victims of this exact scam in Canada, with adult children finding out that their parents had depleted their retirement savings (and their children’s inheritance) without once raising an alarm. In total, CBC reported, $643 million was lost by Canadians to fraud.
Grown adults, suddenly saddled with trying to right their parents’ financial ship, are unsure where to turn and often want to pin the fraud’s success on the financial institutions that had previously been responsible for the money, usually one of Canada’s big banks. But the banks typically have done their job correctly and are unwilling to set precedent out of compassion. The big question is: when should families recognize that their parents are no longer good stewards of their own money?
One of the most important pieces of financial protection and sound estate management is making sure people have a “Power of Attorney” or POA that covers both their physical care and their financial matters. But while people recognize the need for this document (both aging parent and adult children), enacting it is a bigger question. Often parents do not cross some discernable line of “competent/not-competent” that allows people to trigger the legal standing of whether you should be in charge of your parent’s life. People age and change unevenly, good in some respects of their life, poor in others. Aging parents are not keen to lose their independence just because they “forget the occasional thing” or “because they made a small mistake with the oven”, events that seem like one-offs to them, but form a pattern of behaviour that worry their children.
In an ideal world, as people aged they could turn to a trusted child (or family member) and begin opening the door on their financial matters, entrusting that as they age and confusing or dubious financial events present themselves a second set of eyes could step in and prevent scams from taking hold. But here too, nature aims to thwart us.
Statistically (and overwhelmingly so) elder abuse is almost always done at the hands of immediate family members. This isn’t a small matter either. For parents, trusting the wrong child might lead to financial malfeasance or worse. There are many stories of siblings finding out that the one charged with looking after an ailing parent has looted the bank accounts and is busy trying to organize the sale of the house to try and cover their tracks.
Other Things I’ve Written on Ageing and Death
Wealth in Stages of Life – April 2, 2019
The Ballooning Cost of Growing Old – October 30, 2017
A Few Things Worse Than Dying – November 5, 2015
The OHIP Gambit – October 23, 2015
There is no simple path through this. We live in a society that values individualism and independence, and its loss stings to the core of every individual. Aging Canadians have many paths open to them to try and stay social, mobile, and healthy, but in growing old bodies fail in unique ways, and in time that impacts and shrinks the circle of comfort people operate in. Physical ailments and cognitive decline make a mess of our expectations of getting older, and often force people, or their care givers, to move them into assisted living or retirement residences, places that are both expensive and (however nice they may be) not where many would wish to spend their final years.
Aging in the 21st century is creating other unexpected issues. The “Boomer” generation is possibly one of the richest in human history, and that wealth is not going to move between generations in as straightforward a manor as may have been anticipated. While stocks, bonds, and investment accounts will transition easily after taxes, it is the physical imprint of people’s lives that will take time to unpack.
Rooms of “stuff”, boxes of documents, and “collectables” abound as people try and make sense of their parent’s lives. While our discretionary financial choices make sense to ourselves, to others (even our own children) these choices can be inscrutable. Whether it’s fine china, or Swarovski crystal, or little porcelain figurines, many of these items have no home as estates are unravelled. Even art, which often is seen as both sensible and an investment by its owners has hit a wall. According to Bloomberg, art is beginning to pile up and the market for art (at its peak, a trillion dollar industry) is grinding to a halt as families unwind collections of art by once popular artists who have faded into obscurity.
Increasingly, families find themselves inheriting furniture, art, collectibles, and heirlooms, none of which are wanted. Instead, these items are being filtered by a burgeoning industry that deals in emptying houses and readying them for sale. But this isn’t necessarily what seniors intended for their families. Many wish to make sure that their estates are easy to navigate and simple to execute, but often little thought goes into the physical-ness of a life, with basements and attics loaded with treasure and junk that would be better dealt with when its owners are alive than when they’ve passed.
These challenges sit around the nucleus of estate planning; POAs, wills, living wills, end-of-life directives, and do not resuscitate orders. And unlike those important documents that guide executors and familial beneficiaries, these issues are ongoing and persistent. Getting old is not just a “thing that happens”, it is a process that should engage individuals and families, and should inspire change between generations in anticipation of future needs and responsibilities that will arise over time.
The process of getting older is learning to let go of the people you love, but doing so responsibly requires more than simply accepting the passage of time. It requires difficult conversations while parents are still capable of having them, openness about finances and personal wishes, and a willingness to sort through both the legal documents and the accumulated possessions that make up a life. None of this will make aging easy, nor will it eliminate every risk. But planning early can preserve dignity, protect families, and allow the gradual transfer of responsibility to be guided by trust rather than forced by crisis. In the end, preparing for old age is not about surrendering independence—it is about deciding, while you still can, how that independence will eventually be shared.






































